Ask Soniya

  There comes a point in some relationships when the biggest question is no longer: “How do I change this person?” It becomes: “How do I protect myself without becoming someone I am not?” Because dealing with toxic people can change you. You may become quieter. More suspicious. More defensive. More anxious. You may start over explaining everything. You may lose confidence in your own decisions. You may become so busy managing somebody else’s moods that you stop noticing your own. And sometimes, without realising it, you start behaving in ways that do not even feel like you. This is why dealing with toxic people is not only about protecting yourself from them. It is also about protecting yourself from what the situation is turning you into. First, Stop Trying to Make Them Understand Everything This was one of the hardest things for me to understand. We often think: If I explain it properly, they will understand. If I stay calm, they will understand. If I give one more example, they ...

  How to Tell If Someone Is Toxic or You’re Just Overreacting There is a very confusing stage in some relationships when you stop asking: “Why is this person treating me like this?” and start asking: “Am I the problem?” Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe I should have stayed quiet. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I am the difficult one. And slowly, without even realising it, you stop questioning their behaviour and start questioning yourself. That, for me, is one of the most damaging parts of dealing with a toxic person. Not always the argument. Not always the insult. Sometimes it is simply the confusion they leave behind. Because toxic people are not always obviously cruel. Some are charming. Some are loving. Some are extremely professional. Some are respected by everyone around them. Some know exactly when to smile, when to apologise and when to make you look like the unreasonable one. That is why recognising toxicity is not always easy. ...