Ask Soniya

  Can We Unlearn What We Learned From Our Mothers and Grandmothers? “Don’t answer back.” “Learn to adjust.” “Keep the family together.” “Good women don’t complain.” “Think about what people will say.” Most women have heard some version of these sentences while growing up. Sometimes they were spoken gently. Sometimes they came as warnings. And sometimes no one needed to say them at all—we learned them simply by watching the women around us. We watched our mothers eat after everyone else had finished. We watched our grandmothers forgive without receiving an apology. We watched women hide their exhaustion, silence their anger and continue serving people who rarely stopped to ask, “But how are you?” Slowly, sacrifice became our definition of love. Silence became our definition of strength. And abandoning ourselves became our definition of being a “good woman.” But can we unlearn what we learned from our mothers and grandmothers? I believe we can. The harder question is: Are we ready to...

  You’re Allowed to Outgrow the Version of You That Kept Everyone Happy There comes a point in life when being “the easy one” starts to feel… exhausting. The one who understands everyone. The one who adjusts. The one who says, “It’s okay,” even when it isn’t. The one who keeps quiet because speaking up might create tension. The one who changes plans, swallows disappointment, forgives quickly, explains endlessly, and somehow always finds a way to make things easier for everybody else. People may even praise you for it. You’re so understanding. You never create problems. You always think about everyone. And for a while, you might wear those words like compliments. Until one day you realise something uncomfortable: Everyone is comfortable with you… except you. And maybe that is when you begin to change. Not dramatically. Not overnight. Just quietly. You start saying no. You stop explaining every decision. You notice how tired you are after conversations where you constantly have to s...